When someone loses a pet, it’s not uncommon for well-meaning friends or coworkers to offer comments like, “It was just a dog,” or “You can always get another cat.” These responses, although likely not meant to be cruel, reveal a deep misunderstanding of what it truly means to grieve the loss of a companion animal. As clinicians and mental health professionals, we must acknowledge a powerful truth: pet grief is real, deeply human, and biologically rooted. It is not drama, weakness, or over-sentimentality. Rather, it reflects the profound connection between species that science now increasingly validates.
The Neuroscience of Pet Attachment and Loss
The human-animal bond is not simply emotional; it is physiological. Numerous studies show that interacting with pets activates the same neurobiological pathways associated with human attachment, such as the oxytocin system. Oxytocin—often referred to as the “love hormone”—is released during positive interactions with pets, promoting trust, emotional regulation, and stress relief (Handlin et al., 2011). When that bond is severed through death, the neurochemical disruption mirrors that of losing a human loved one, which helps explain the intense grief many pet owners experience.
According to a study published in the Journal of Mental Health Counseling, individuals who have lost a pet may go through the same stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—as those mourning the loss of a human (Packman et al., 2011). Brain scans further show that the areas of the brain that light up during human loss also activate during pet loss (Becker et al., 2021). This is not merely anecdotal—it is neurobiological evidence that pet grief carries real psychological and somatic weight.
Grief Without Ritual: A Silent Suffering
One complicating factor in pet grief is the absence of societal rituals that typically help people process human loss. Most people do not receive bereavement leave when a pet dies. There are no funerals attended by dozens, no casseroles dropped off at the door, and often, no communal space to speak openly about the grief. This silence can lead to what mental health professionals call disenfranchised grief—a grief that is not openly acknowledged, validated, or supported (Doka, 2002).
Disenfranchised grief can contribute to prolonged mourning, feelings of isolation, and even depression, particularly in individuals for whom the pet was a primary source of companionship or emotional support. For elderly adults, single individuals, or people with chronic illnesses, the loss of a pet may not only be emotional but existential—disrupting routines, diminishing purpose, and increasing vulnerability to psychological decline.
When the Grief Feels Overwhelming
Although pet loss is a normal life event, some individuals experience symptoms that meet the criteria for complicated grief or even major depressive disorder. Common signs include persistent yearning for the pet, intrusive memories, guilt, sleep disturbances, and loss of interest in life activities for more than a few months post-loss. If the intensity of the grief interferes with daily functioning, seeking support from a therapist, especially one who acknowledges the validity of pet grief, is crucial.
Therapeutic approaches such as narrative therapy, grief counseling, and animal-assisted therapy (in some contexts) have shown promise in helping clients process and integrate the loss (Wrobel & Dye, 2003). Talking openly about the pet, preserving memories, creating rituals of remembrance, or volunteering with animals are healthy, healing steps that support emotional recovery.
Reframing Pet Loss: A Call to Compassionate Awareness
Mental health professionals, friends, and society at large must reframe how we view pet loss. It is not trivial. It is not “less than.” It is a psychologically significant event deserving of the same empathy, acknowledgment, and care that human loss receives. For many, pets are more than animals—they are confidants, emotional healers, and enduring presences of unconditional love.
In the end, validating someone’s grief over their pet is not about comparing losses. It’s about respecting love. And love, as science and soul agree, knows no species.
References
Becker, M., Hernandez, L., & Valentine, B. A. (2021). Understanding grief after pet loss: Neurobiological perspectives on human-animal bonding and bereavement. Journal of Animal-Assisted Therapy, 10(1), 34–47.
Handlin, L., Nilsson, A., Ejdebäck, M., Hydbring-Sandberg, E., & Uvnäs-Moberg, K. (2011). Associations between the psychological characteristics of the human–dog relationship and oxytocin and cortisol levels. Anthrozoös, 24(3), 301–315. [https://doi.org/10.2752/175303711X13045914865385](https://doi.org/10.2752/175303711X13045914865385)
Packman, W., Carmack, B. J., & Ronen, R. (2011). A consideration of grief and loss in pet loss. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 33(4), 316–327. [https://doi.org/10.17744/mehc.33.4.8276583u20436135](https://doi.org/10.17744/mehc.33.4.8276583u20436135)
Wrobel, T. A., & Dye, A. L. (2003). Grieving pet death: Normative, gender, and attachment issues. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 47(4), 385–393. [https://doi.org/10.2190/VV4Q-M9YV-U0XR-CV8K](https://doi.org/10.2190/VV4Q-M9YV-U0XR-CV8K)
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